Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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