I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
