That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
