They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
