update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
