I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to have your abortion
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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