the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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