it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
