Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
