evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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