I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
