just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
