i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
