I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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