I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
