Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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