I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Houston, we have a blender
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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