He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
