his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
