ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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