Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
