What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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