I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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