I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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