I didn't shave. On purpose
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
now i know why i became what i already was.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
