she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The Olympian is in my bed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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