so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
