Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
