I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
last night I used snow as a chaser
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