Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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