my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
