And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
