i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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