FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
