The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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