Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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