apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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