But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
