Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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