We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
