i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's shark week go big or go home
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
