do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
