Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
