i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
