We won't sleep together?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the day after is always just damage control
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
