If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
