I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you had me at cake vodka
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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