whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
