You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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