He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
