Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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