forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
