1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do vagina's smell?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
