You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
