Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
