And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
