May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
