Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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