Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
