dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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