I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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